We had snow

About three weeks ago we had a huge falling of snow. It was beautiful. I wish my pictures could really capture how beautiful it was. I wish there were a lot of things I could more accurately express. My mom frequently complains about her inability to clearly enunciate her emotions in the midst of conflict. I have always considered myself able to let people know exactly how I feel with out much confusion. Some times this has been a bad thing. I have recently had an experience in which I was so far from able to express myself. I have always held this policy of clarity. I always want people to kow exactly how I feel because I know how torturous it can be to worry over someone else's thoughts. But I realized something.

It's not my responsibility. Forgiveness is up to the bearer of hard feelings. You don't have to ask for my forgiveness. If we waited for people to get strait with us, we'd be living in a crooked world, not that it's really all that strait right now. Anyway, I recently tried to explain my feelings so both I and the other party could let go of some hard feelings. Well, I realized that nothing I say could really make a difference, and nothing he could say would change my feelings. I used to depend on people to earn forgiveness. How silly that sounds as I write it. You can't earn forgiveness. I have this big motto that no one can make me mad. If I get mad, I'm the owner of those feelings. Making you responsible for them gives you power over me. It's the same thing with forgiveness I'm realizing. Waiting for you to want my forgiveness is giving you control and power over me. I'm the owner of my feelings, and while they may get hurt, it's my responsibility alone to see that they get healed.

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas! This New Years Eve I've got my two host sisters and another volunteer here and we are having a little get together at my flat. It won't be much to shout about. Tomorrow I will experience Razlogski Kukeri for the first time. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm exhausted of being with people though. I love the people I'm with, but I'm so spent. They are enjoying themselves though.