am i desperado? naaahhhh

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now.
Oh, you're a hard one,
But I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin' you,
Can hurt you somehow.

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy,
She'll beat you if she's able.
Know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me, some fine things,
Have been laid upon your table.
But you only want the things that you can't get.

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger:
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home.
And freedom, oh freedom,
Well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking,
Through this world all alone.

And don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow, the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling,
Goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, and open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you,
You better let somebody love you,
You better let somebody love you,
You better let somebody love you,
Before it's too late.

Lyrics source plus audio

"Your prison is walking through this world all alone." That's a scary thought. I went to dinner with my sitemate tonight. We talked about some scary things. Mothers in menopause. Mothers mourning mothers. Us mourning mothers. Us mourning siblings. Us being sent home. We didn't talk about it, but me being here in this town alone is a scary thought to me, even though I pretty well love my site. Being alone is scary. It's frightening to not have someone to share me with. What's really scary is having to help people rediscover me when I get back to America. Being so distant in so many ways has helped to draw my mother and me closer. But I regret to say that probably all of my other relationships have deteriorated. My brother and sister, my best friends. I don't know. Perhaps they have stepped back to keep themselves "safe." I don't so much blame them. I have missed very important events in there lives. His first graduation, her first graduation, his first triathlon, her brother died. her dog got sick. his dog died. stuff. stuff that is hard to go through. stuff that piece by piece changes us.

Anyway. It seems like there was more I've been thinking about. I was approached about lent today. I've never really done lent. I've done full food fasts for short periods of time. I've done long fasts from certain things before, but never followed the Catholic calender and rules before. I'm thinking about giving up everything that comes out of my TV. I'm not sure if that means other people's TVs, and I'm pretty sure it won't mean anything on my laptop, as I don't really watch many movies or anything on here. I don't know. I'll surely miss McLeod's Daughters and Meet the Barkers. But as my grandpa would say, they aren't really very edifying anywho.

"the virgins are all trimming their wicks."