and then there was light

Ever have one of those days/weeks/months in which it seems like things have hit rock bottom? When you begin to question everything you are doing and are nearly ready to give it up and start over? The last week has been like that for me, except for a brief respite of distraction over the weekend.

School lately has been torture of a kind I've never before known. In a period of 6 hours I'm scheduled to teach 8. ehhh? I either left a class on the verge of tears or in a fit of violent rage. In either case, I feel completely useless. I hear myself saying, "Not one of these students want to learn, so why have I come all this way to teach them?"

I'm not going to quit of course. I've come this way. I've invested this much. I have some friendships from which I want to squeeze every bit of goodness I possibly can. But I might go completely crazy along the way. (no, i'm not there yet)

Funny how things have to hit rock bottom before they get better. Why can't life be just a little unpleasant before it takes a sudden hike upward? Maybe it does and we just don't recognize these improvements as miraculous blessings because we don't recognize our need for them?

Today, after teaching six classes in six hours (failure, since I was supposed to teach eight :x ), I was scheduled to teach an after school elective. Although I was beyond exhausted, I stayed because these kids are the stars in my dark night. I didn't really have a lesson plan, but I figured we could plan a Christmas party. Turns out, these precious young people would rather plan a charity event and fundraiser for the local nursing home.

We spent two hours, hungry and tired, after a full day of classes for all of us, planning ways to raise money and care for Razlog's elderly. Here's something you should understand. First, Bulgarian youth are not nearly as civic-minded as American youth, which really isn't very civic-minded to begin with. Secondly, Bulgaria has a very communal culture. People live in multi-generational homes. You can easily find a home with four generations in it. So, to have elderly living on their own, with out family to live with means they are indeed very lonely. And to have a group of five fifteen year-olds who want to help these people is something I cannot describe with words. These are the best of Razlog, I'm sure.

I'm so thankful for the spots of light that remind me that there are some amazing things I can be apart of here.