not 100% bad

Life isn't light or darkness, it's having enough light to take the next step, and hoping to God the light goes with you.

We don't call something 'good' because it is all good, 100% good. This is why we need modifiers like, "completely," "entirely," and "one hundred percent." Otherwise we assume there is an element of not-so-good.

Sometimes, that 'thing' can be quite unpleasant, but there is enough goodness comprised in 'it' that we keep pushing ourselves to do 'it.' The goodness helps us to get up the next day and start doing 'it' again. The goodness we find in 'it' is the momentum that gets us started. For me, it is nearly impossible to stop, once I have begun. You can ask my parents, I never know when to quit.

School every day has become incredibly frustrating. I can't blame any one person, and I blame everybody, including myself. Everyday it seems I have forgotten why I am here. So I live for the spots of light and pray that in the next hour another spot of light will find me.

Spots of light can be pretty random. Like, when you are scheduled to teach eight hours in a period of six, and none of your twelfth graders come to either of their periods. A bit of a rest, and a lot of absences. Or, when half of that seventh grade class, which is notoriously the worst behaved class in school, stays downstairs to play table tennis during their hour with you, and you can work with the kids who care (and the rest of the class gets unexcused absences!). Or the smile you get from the disengaged girl in the back. Or when, even though they are wildly noisy, you know they love you and will remember you. Or when the class breaks out in Horo to practice for the program they are doing for the home for old people (that's how it translates okay!).

Yes, my kids are raising money and doing a program for the local nursing home. I can't tell you how excited this makes me. Those blessed old folks do not have it well, and my kiddos, they just have the biggest hearts. ... and mouths, to my chagrin

I have to depend on those moments to get me through each day. Even though most of the time they drive me crazy, there are moments when I get through to my students. Even if it is just one out of 25.