A tough reminder

Sometimes being a Peace Corps Volunteer rocks. Sometimes you experience some of the best things. These are some of my students, some of my kids. They are inspiring in their discipline and wisdom. Not all of them, and not all the time. Their ability to have fun and shake their lump-bumps is astounding. Their discipline in learning English is inversely proportionate to their discipline and devotion to class. They stand up to big challenges and are devoted to their community. They remind me why I'm a volunteer.

Sometimes being a Peace Corps Volunteer is a painful and bitter experience. Sometimes the good is vastly out weighed by the bad and the ugly (also the name of a game I recently played in some of my classes). Sometimes the things I know I'm missing are poignant ghosts of memories never to happen and are no where near as important as the moments I wish I could erase from each cell in my brain. Sometimes the good things up and walk away.


A lot of people are talking about the new policies Peace Corps Bulgaria are talking about inacting which would restrict our travel. I won't comment on those, especially considering I don't know exactly what they are yet. But I will say that if it were not for my travels and the travels of other PCVs to me, I would have really lost my mind a long time ago, probably sometime in those first lonely months when I had nothing to do no matter how hard I tried. But I'm still here. Thank God, I now have an active social life here in town. I do stuff with my kids, but social events with my friends come before my kids. And somewhere in there I fit in my PCV friends. Truth be told, my PCV friends... well I feel like I neglect them frequently. To me, friendship is such an essential element of life, particularly our Bulgarish lives. When your support fails you, life is tough. I hate feeling like I should be helping someone and I'm not. Right now, I feel as though I should visit several of my friends who've had horrible months. But I'm not. I'm going to celebrate Easter in the town I consider my Bulgarian birth place. I'm opting for the cultural route instead of "American time."

Thankfully, like some of my ultimate favorite experiences (PST, Dobarsko, the pig kill, and nights at Fenera) can include both American and Bulgarian culture. Isn't that what it's really all about anyway?

meggie hurt, meggie hurt baaaaaddddd

I don’t know where to start.  I feel like I’m floating in a world of discomfort.  It’s not too dreadfully painful, but it’s far from pleasant.  I don’t want to write a long list of complaints.  Suffice it to say, with all of the other mitigating factors, my sitemates left Razlog this morning never to return.  I sobbed with all of Harmonie’s high schoolers last night.  Today, I was standing in the front lawn at the PC office in Sofia.  I saw them get out of a taxi and started to cry.  We all had work at the office today, so I ran into them several times.  It was really hard.  Every time I saw either of them…  tears.  Many tears.  

It’s a tragedy whenever anyone leaves Peace Corps early.  For stupid reasons, like not being able to follow simple rules.  For getting caught up in a mess of other people’s judgment issues.  For medical reasons.  For problems adjusting.  For whatever reason.  It’s a loss to the staff, the host organization (even if they don’t realize it!), to the other volunteers with whom relationships have been built.  I know it happens.  It’s just never hit home so hard.  These people came into my life and affected it.  They provided encouragement, comfort, support, resources, laughs, and dinner buddies.  They are volunteers that have reinforced Peace Corps’ good name in Bulgaria, and in other countries, for the work they have done here.  What Harmonie has done with the kids here gives me hope that I too will be able to make it and make a small difference on some lives.  

Spring Break and other random tidbits

Spring break recap:  Friday:  Fun times evening with Elena and Razlogshki friends.  Saturday:  Day in Blagoevgrad including spa treatments.  Dinner in Bgrad.  Dancing till my bootie aches.  Note:  Blagoevgrad is extra fun!  But if you really like to dance with your girls, sometimes the guys are creeped out and just stare at you.  Uch, Creepy.  Sunday- Tuesday:  Moving on, Becca & Krichim fammo times.  Got sick again.  Get duners and antibiotics and coffee at the café/bar with the hottest dudes in Plovdiv.  Wednesday:  Take the night train w/ Becca to Varna, watch the sun come up on the beach, eat McDonalds for breakfast, meander around Varna, catch up with Andy! See Carin for the first time in ages ;)  Thursday:  Play tourist in Varna (Archeological Museum and dolphin café, make a dinner for EVER!  Friday:  Get tex-mex with Celche, shop (hoodie, ring, and sweet khakis), get Turkish with the group.  Randomness.  Get on train.  Saturday: Splurged for the sleeper cart.  Arrive in Sofia.  Freshen up and dump stuff at the PC Office.  Meet Lucia for a soy latte, a very long walk around Sofia, with Chris, the 2leva bunny (shhh, it’s a deer).  Meet Ethan for Vietnamese that doesn’t exist, Indian works well too.  Make it back to the log in one, weak and exhausted and not too healthy piece.  

That’s the summery.  I’ll try to write some of the random stories that made it an exceptionally awesome week.  But here are some of the essentials:  

I love adding “iz” in the middle of words.  So “Hot Spot” a swanky over priced store becomes, “hizzle spizzle.”  How swanky are you now??  This becomes exceptionally funny when you put Celia and I together because we are pretty funny together.  Or obnoxious.  You decide.  

Lucia was bumming today, and I was feeling pretty sickly.  But we say animal balloons.  Lucia offered to buy the balloon if I carried it around all day.  We decided to name it Chris.  Chris and I took pictures doing silly things like being frightened of a stuffed hawk, being sad we can’t go to the J-Lo concert, contemplatively reading a book titled “Porn,” and joining Ethan to gawk at the deer (statues) in the park.  We had fun.  

I love to laugh.  Ha ha ha ha ha (insert Mary Poppins song here).  It was just so good to be with people who make me laugh.  I wish I had these people around me more often.  As one group of PCVs is getting ready to leave, and another is nearly here, I’m frightened at the prospect of being separated from my friends.  

My mom’s brought up the idea of going into non-profit/social work again.  Grrrrr…  I wish I had the slightest clue.  I always say I could never see myself living there, but it’s always the first place I think of when I think of going into social work.  I just don’t know exactly what I would do.  What about literacy.  I wonder what the literacy rate is for Del Norte County, California.  What if I started/worked for a literacy foundation-NPO?  That covers the linguistic and the social work.  Ack, starting and or running an NPO?  Poor forever in California?  Or dear…  I have 15 months left to figure it out.  And of course, I’ll have to get my MA first.  Shew, at least there’s that.  

I clearly need to rest.  Oh, one more thing.  I was listening to Johnny Cash’s “American IV” on my way home from the bus station today.  You who’ve been to my lovely town know that my street runs along a cute little river.  It’s been warmer lately, and the recent melt has caused the water lever to rise and the speed to pick up.  As I was walking this road, “Bridge over troubled water” came on.  I choked up thinking about the people who would be there for me if I needed them, and the people who I like to think I help support.  It’s cheesy but yes, “when evening falls so hard, I’ll comfort you.  I’ll take your part when darkness comes.  Thank God for friends and family, antibiotics and decongestants.