Or maybe it's devil's desire. I don't know. But it's my favorite song right now. Oh, and it's chalga. That, "bella ciao," "habibi," and "obicham te." So, I'm kind of in a chalgatastic/ "dance camp" (as celia put it) mood. You know, I was at the exchange in Dobarsko. There were a few theme songs. Celia went crazy for "Habibi." I got into "Dqvulsko Jelanie." Me, Miro (one of my 11b students), and Celia busted our vocal chords several times to "Barbie Girl." I shoved my way into the Romanian dance circle on every round of that Romaie song. Those were some seriously good times. I rolled my eyes at my students when they said they were "heavy" with missing their new friends. I miss the good times. And the productivity of it. Everything was intense. I know it's not always healthy, but that is the way I prefer it.
Ne znaesh - Malina and AzisThis is one of my favorite BG songs. "you don't know how i've waited, you don't know how i've cried." blablabla.
So, I'll be out of town again. I'm on SPRING BREAK!!! I'm going to Blagoevgrad, Plovdiv, Krichim, Varna, Sofia, Etropole, Sofia, and back to Razlog. And only in 10 days! Yes, I can do this. It's called taking the night train.
I had a crazy day at school today.
AND I LOVED IT! What's up with that?? I took two classes for my CP while she's in Italy on the EU's dime.
My class with what one of my colleagues considers to be the laziest group in school went pretty well. My schedule changed so I had them second instead of first and second. This meant I got to sleep in, and they got to wake up with some other teacher.
I watched presentations by one of the 8th grade groups. I'll never understand why teachers don't care that students copy and paste all of their information from websites. There were words that these guys KAAAHLEEEEEEERLY don't know! but whatevs.
I took my CPs 11v class. We just chatted about PC, me, America, and them. The basic stuff. What do you want to study, blablabla. It was a nice change.
I also took my CPs 6th grade class. These guys were SOOOO cute. I've never seen a sweeter bunch of kids. EVER! (at least not here in Bulgaria). It was so much fun.
I had my SIPs today. Which are usually a joke because welllll I don't have regular attendance, the kids don't take them seriously, and frankly, I'm not very motivated to teach a bunch of half-interested kids. Today with my 8v class, we started by picking an object and writing about it as if we were it. Then, picking another object and writing about it as if we were it, but from our beginnings. Ex: I started in a cow. Then one beautiful day someone put my in a bottle. Then you drink me. What am I? I'm serious, that's what one of my girls came up with. So, after that and a couple rounds of 20 questions (we were a car and a desk for these), I called it a day with my 8th grader-girls and got ready for my 9b SIP. I had decided it was time for a change. The weather was beautiful (a B*E*A*UUUUUtiful) day. When I met them in the hallway they asked if we would go to the conference room or their classroom. When I told them neither, let's go have coffee, their faces lit up! So we sat and had coffee outside for an hour plus and talked. About spring break, summer, my life, their lives. Good times. I'm reckoning on doing the same with my 10th graders tomorrow.
I'm also going to a meeting my students (and my sitemate's youth group) are having tomorrow. I am going to try to be involved with what they do with out irritating my admin and colleagues. So basically, don't take time off to trek around Europe with them. But come summer... I'M IN! whatevs.
I've officially spent too much time on the internet today. But I got so wrapped up in chalga clips!! what is a girl to do??
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Wow, what a day!
Tuesdays are normally the days I want to crawl back into bed and pretend don't exist. I generally have 5 classes. Two are with my 8a class, which is becoming increasingly difficult and unpleasant. I also have a class with 8b, 11b, and 10b. These are class groups that I see only once a week, making it a difficult experience for all of us. First period I have 11b. This is a dreadful class for me because these guys never want to do ANYTHING! But today, I seriously planned two lessons for them. I did this for two reasons, first, I wasn't sure if they'd already done one of them before, and second, I thought it would be more fun if they got to pick their lesson. Some of the students in this class were at the exchange with me, AND, some of the talker-boys were not at school today (boooo sad).
Class went really well today. For one reason, several of them are now interested me as a breathing person and not some strange thing that gets up and tries to interact with them. Another reason I was pleased is because the lesson seemed to go well, except for the one kid (who will be receiving a big fat dvoika) who slept the whole period. The book had a discussion exercise on birth order related questions. So I split them up into groups based on oldest or youngest (not one of them was an only child or had more than one sibling) and had them answer the questions. They hate speaking in front of the whole class, so fine, I'll work with that. They had to answer the questions, but I had to see each answer in a different handwriting. Not fool-proof I know, but I was their supervising. The point was to get them all working and it worked! I walked around and talked with them. I was in such a good mood when I left that class. I think that's only happened once before, but that's a different story... yeah! Score one for me!
Um, my 10b class was taken over by their class teacher so they could rehearse for the May 5th celebration. So I got to chat with some of those kiddos, and didn't have to try to teach them at all. One of my kids from the exchange said, "When are we going to hang out again? I miss those times." AHHHHhhhh, how sweet. I told him whenever he invites me, we can go chill.
The other classes where controlled chaos at best. But whatevs. You win some you lose some right?
On the down side, my sinuses are going berserk-o! I've been having those crazy hacking fits. Not cool!
More on the up side: **I may be helping with a summer camp here in the logche-- PCVs, please keep your eyes/ears out for this. I may be recruiting help!! ** It's crazy warm here and I'm a bit sad I don't have anyone with whom to go sit outside and have a cool drinkche. ** Three more school days till spring break! and I don't have any classes scheduled tomorrow, but it may get reworked, since a couple teachers are gone. NO BIG--- SPRING BREAK!!
That's it for now. oh, one more thing... it's almost tsatsa time! yeah! anyone else LOVE those things? Sitting at the pond eating tsatsa? ahhh summer, I can almost taste you!
Class went really well today. For one reason, several of them are now interested me as a breathing person and not some strange thing that gets up and tries to interact with them. Another reason I was pleased is because the lesson seemed to go well, except for the one kid (who will be receiving a big fat dvoika) who slept the whole period. The book had a discussion exercise on birth order related questions. So I split them up into groups based on oldest or youngest (not one of them was an only child or had more than one sibling) and had them answer the questions. They hate speaking in front of the whole class, so fine, I'll work with that. They had to answer the questions, but I had to see each answer in a different handwriting. Not fool-proof I know, but I was their supervising. The point was to get them all working and it worked! I walked around and talked with them. I was in such a good mood when I left that class. I think that's only happened once before, but that's a different story... yeah! Score one for me!
Um, my 10b class was taken over by their class teacher so they could rehearse for the May 5th celebration. So I got to chat with some of those kiddos, and didn't have to try to teach them at all. One of my kids from the exchange said, "When are we going to hang out again? I miss those times." AHHHHhhhh, how sweet. I told him whenever he invites me, we can go chill.
The other classes where controlled chaos at best. But whatevs. You win some you lose some right?
On the down side, my sinuses are going berserk-o! I've been having those crazy hacking fits. Not cool!
More on the up side: **I may be helping with a summer camp here in the logche-- PCVs, please keep your eyes/ears out for this. I may be recruiting help!! ** It's crazy warm here and I'm a bit sad I don't have anyone with whom to go sit outside and have a cool drinkche. ** Three more school days till spring break! and I don't have any classes scheduled tomorrow, but it may get reworked, since a couple teachers are gone. NO BIG--- SPRING BREAK!!
That's it for now. oh, one more thing... it's almost tsatsa time! yeah! anyone else LOVE those things? Sitting at the pond eating tsatsa? ahhh summer, I can almost taste you!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
5 days and counting
Spring break commences after five school days! HOLLAAAAAHHH!
There is warmth in Bulgaria! While people in Razlog were able to remove their hats and scarves for a few hours today, people in the rest of the country wore open toed shoes and only one layer of clothing, and generally lighter than a sweater, at that!
I kept hearing spring had begun, but refused to believe it until this weekend. There are cherry trees in bloom! And the bus from Blagoevgrad reeked of BO.
I would rather work on SPA then go to school this week. Is that any indication of how little I want to teach? I'm believing this is just a phase and that something will change. Or that the chaos of spring and all the holidays and excursions will transform my distaste into vague and manageable apathy. Either way, we'll geterdone!
Petrich, while not the friendliest town I've ever been in, is LOADS warmer than Razlog, and has better cooking. By that I don't mean Bulgo-food (because I live a block from crazy good Bulgo-food. I mean Chrissy, who makes some killer tasty hotcakes and has real maple syrup to accompany them.
There is warmth in Bulgaria! While people in Razlog were able to remove their hats and scarves for a few hours today, people in the rest of the country wore open toed shoes and only one layer of clothing, and generally lighter than a sweater, at that!
I kept hearing spring had begun, but refused to believe it until this weekend. There are cherry trees in bloom! And the bus from Blagoevgrad reeked of BO.
I would rather work on SPA then go to school this week. Is that any indication of how little I want to teach? I'm believing this is just a phase and that something will change. Or that the chaos of spring and all the holidays and excursions will transform my distaste into vague and manageable apathy. Either way, we'll geterdone!
Petrich, while not the friendliest town I've ever been in, is LOADS warmer than Razlog, and has better cooking. By that I don't mean Bulgo-food (because I live a block from crazy good Bulgo-food. I mean Chrissy, who makes some killer tasty hotcakes and has real maple syrup to accompany them.
Friday, March 24, 2006
GAAAAHHH, GRRRR, AAARRRR, and other various expression of frustration
I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been whirling in a tornado of chaos. I was at an international exchange called "Music, Dance, and Something Else." It was great. I had the pleasure of seeing some of my least active students act as leaders, translators, presenters, and fabulous hosts. I was beginning to feel inspired by the fact that they do in fact have motivation.
Then I came back to school. The director is irate with them because no one asked if they could go. She told them they could not participate the next (the last) two days of the event. They went anyway. Big mistake kids.
I see two sides. Both sides have previous opinions of the other. Both sides have reason for their actions and good motivation. Both sides also have a bit of pride that inspires their steps.
I see two middles. One middle is sticking to one side. The other middle is desperately trying to stay objective and remember her role and primary responsibilities.
As I remember those responsibilities, to teach, to be a change and development agent, to be an American, I increasingly question my reason for being here. I have bragged on and will brag on my students again. They are not as unruly as a lot of students. And the other English teachers... Their English is great (some with Masters' degrees in English), several of them try to be progressive in their methodology. My directors are tolerant of our linguistic and cultural differences, and all the bureaucratic stuff that I carry along with me. *BUT* I am stuck in a tourturous middle place. A place where I can't function very well. A place where I either share classes with a group of kids with one other teacher and we take the lessons linearly, so I can't really know what I'll do with them tomorrow until after she has finished with them. Or, I'm in a place where I have one meeting with these kids each week, and can get VERY little done with them. I generally don't find out where they are until the day before, (in one case, this is when I'm given the text book), and am expected to work directly out of the book. Of course I can use some creative methods, but I have one evening to come up with these methods. I don't know what I'm doing!
Then there is this big tension between these two groups and I'm stuck in the middle. I see a side of these kids that brings me to tears. I thought yesterday that I only sobbed over it because I was so tired. Then today, when I tried to talk about the dichotomy between these kids in class and out of class I sobbed again. (here's hoping crying in front of the dir and ass't dir earns me some brownie points) The kids don't see any reason to be motivated at school, "we can never make our teachers happy/satisfied." Teachers don't see any reason to put in extra effort, "the kids never try." They are both at stale mates. I see my role to motivate the kids to perform with extra vigor in all their classes. I REALLY don't see it happening, however. Not because I don't think they are capable, but because I don't think the teachers will really notice it, or if they do, will acknowledge it. I'm still going to try, of course.
And one more thing. SPA. Thorn of my existence. I hate it. It's SUCH a great concept (pity it's in it's final year), but it's SO hard to do here. Team mentality is not a strong Bulgarian concept, not in the, "we all work hard, we all reap well" meaning of the word. So, my SPA team has been limited to two, my CP and me, by my director. She means well I know; she wants to reduce drama. It's just so irritating because it's backward. I feel like we are doing things SO backward.
I hear all these things which are spitting out in clusters of what could liberally be called thoughts. And I see the need for me here. But I am so uninspired. I don't see what EARTHLY good it will do. All I see are fights. Fighting myself for motivation, fighting students for discipline, fighting teachers for creativity... Then I think back over the last week and the wonderful moments I had being the drunken carrot, learning the meringue, chucking peanuts at Czechs, and most importantly, watching young Bulgarians exhibiting skills that if fostered will turn them into fabulous leaders for this country. I know that the odds are against them, but the best I can do is try to increase the odds.
And, on the upside: spring break is swiftly approaching (four school days and a joke of a Friday to wrangle my way through). Hopefully I'll have a fun girls' weekend in Blagoevgrad, visit the host fammo, see Varna, and get some good rest. We'll see...
Finally, I want to thank my PCV friends who listen to me complain, cry with me, calm me down, and fabulously distract me.
Then I came back to school. The director is irate with them because no one asked if they could go. She told them they could not participate the next (the last) two days of the event. They went anyway. Big mistake kids.
I see two sides. Both sides have previous opinions of the other. Both sides have reason for their actions and good motivation. Both sides also have a bit of pride that inspires their steps.
I see two middles. One middle is sticking to one side. The other middle is desperately trying to stay objective and remember her role and primary responsibilities.
As I remember those responsibilities, to teach, to be a change and development agent, to be an American, I increasingly question my reason for being here. I have bragged on and will brag on my students again. They are not as unruly as a lot of students. And the other English teachers... Their English is great (some with Masters' degrees in English), several of them try to be progressive in their methodology. My directors are tolerant of our linguistic and cultural differences, and all the bureaucratic stuff that I carry along with me. *BUT* I am stuck in a tourturous middle place. A place where I can't function very well. A place where I either share classes with a group of kids with one other teacher and we take the lessons linearly, so I can't really know what I'll do with them tomorrow until after she has finished with them. Or, I'm in a place where I have one meeting with these kids each week, and can get VERY little done with them. I generally don't find out where they are until the day before, (in one case, this is when I'm given the text book), and am expected to work directly out of the book. Of course I can use some creative methods, but I have one evening to come up with these methods. I don't know what I'm doing!
Then there is this big tension between these two groups and I'm stuck in the middle. I see a side of these kids that brings me to tears. I thought yesterday that I only sobbed over it because I was so tired. Then today, when I tried to talk about the dichotomy between these kids in class and out of class I sobbed again. (here's hoping crying in front of the dir and ass't dir earns me some brownie points) The kids don't see any reason to be motivated at school, "we can never make our teachers happy/satisfied." Teachers don't see any reason to put in extra effort, "the kids never try." They are both at stale mates. I see my role to motivate the kids to perform with extra vigor in all their classes. I REALLY don't see it happening, however. Not because I don't think they are capable, but because I don't think the teachers will really notice it, or if they do, will acknowledge it. I'm still going to try, of course.
And one more thing. SPA. Thorn of my existence. I hate it. It's SUCH a great concept (pity it's in it's final year), but it's SO hard to do here. Team mentality is not a strong Bulgarian concept, not in the, "we all work hard, we all reap well" meaning of the word. So, my SPA team has been limited to two, my CP and me, by my director. She means well I know; she wants to reduce drama. It's just so irritating because it's backward. I feel like we are doing things SO backward.
I hear all these things which are spitting out in clusters of what could liberally be called thoughts. And I see the need for me here. But I am so uninspired. I don't see what EARTHLY good it will do. All I see are fights. Fighting myself for motivation, fighting students for discipline, fighting teachers for creativity... Then I think back over the last week and the wonderful moments I had being the drunken carrot, learning the meringue, chucking peanuts at Czechs, and most importantly, watching young Bulgarians exhibiting skills that if fostered will turn them into fabulous leaders for this country. I know that the odds are against them, but the best I can do is try to increase the odds.
And, on the upside: spring break is swiftly approaching (four school days and a joke of a Friday to wrangle my way through). Hopefully I'll have a fun girls' weekend in Blagoevgrad, visit the host fammo, see Varna, and get some good rest. We'll see...
Finally, I want to thank my PCV friends who listen to me complain, cry with me, calm me down, and fabulously distract me.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
"we got a runna"
No big thoughtful post tonight. I'm going to be sparse for the next few days. My sitemate, Harmonie has organized an international exchange with her youth group. I will be helping/hanging out with them. It starts tomorrow, Friday and goes through Thursday. I am actually taking off Monday and Wednesday to help out. Should be fun. It will be in Dobarsko, quite a beautiful little village, with a church on Unesco's list of places of international heritage or something like that. (It's the church with Jesus in a rocket ship, if you've ever wanted to see such a thing)
Small thought: I was at my Thursday coffee place with my Thursday coffee crowd today, since it is Thursday. Coolest gym teacher ever said she has been having an strangely strong appetite lately. She's always hungry. It occurs to me now that I have had a strange appetite for sleep lately. I cannot get enough sleep. I can nap all afternoon, then wake up, use the toilet and "go to bed." You reckon I have mono? This is why I've been sick so much? I have mono! OR It's winter and that generally drains me. There were a few minutes of sunshine today which were quite enjoyable from inside, where you couldn't tell quite how cold it was outside.
Alright friends, although I'd love to comment on the ongoing debate raging over censorship and our PC duties, I won't. Because... you guessed it, I'm too tired. I did laundry and made some kind of meal today, that is all the productivity I can handle. Oh, and watched a couple episodes of "Prison Break" just for the hay of it. I LOVE THAT SHOW! "Your hormonethings are all out of wack, you aren't thinking straight."
Small thought: I was at my Thursday coffee place with my Thursday coffee crowd today, since it is Thursday. Coolest gym teacher ever said she has been having an strangely strong appetite lately. She's always hungry. It occurs to me now that I have had a strange appetite for sleep lately. I cannot get enough sleep. I can nap all afternoon, then wake up, use the toilet and "go to bed." You reckon I have mono? This is why I've been sick so much? I have mono! OR It's winter and that generally drains me. There were a few minutes of sunshine today which were quite enjoyable from inside, where you couldn't tell quite how cold it was outside.
Alright friends, although I'd love to comment on the ongoing debate raging over censorship and our PC duties, I won't. Because... you guessed it, I'm too tired. I did laundry and made some kind of meal today, that is all the productivity I can handle. Oh, and watched a couple episodes of "Prison Break" just for the hay of it. I LOVE THAT SHOW! "Your hormonethings are all out of wack, you aren't thinking straight."
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
What was the first thing God said was not good? Remember, in the first chapter of Genesis? God created all kinds of things and said they were good. Check out Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone."
not good for the man to be alone. NOT GOOD FOR THE MAN TO BE ALONE. NOT GOOD FOR THE MAN TO BE ALONE.
I was listening to Rob Bell's sermon at Mars Hill today, from Sunday. He said that one of the purposes of Lent is for us to experience togetherness. The supreme experience of togetherness is the mystical union with Christ. I don't know about y'all, I don't think "mystical" has a very positive connotation these days. I'd venture to guess that most people either think of some type of new age philosophy or the "heretics" of the middle age cloisters who sought union with Christ through extensive fasting eating only the oldest and darkest of the left over bread, which caused "visions" of holiness, which we may now attribute to the same type of hallucinations as our Salem witches.
Mystical: 1 a : having a spiritual meaning or reality that is neither apparent to the senses nor obvious to the intelligence *the mystical food of the sacrament* b : involving or having the nature of an individual's direct subjective communion with God or ultimate reality *the mystical experience of the Inner Light*2 : MYSTERIOUS, UNINTELLIGIBLE
Let me elaborate. Bell argued that by joining in the temptation of Christ we are joining in union with him. By suffering with him, we are uniting with him. By "killing" parts of us, we are uniting with him. In suffering, temptation, and crucifixion, we join with Christ. What makes it mystical? If you follow me, do what I do, and don't do what I don't do, you become like me, but it does not make us any better friends. I have not entered into your soul and you have not entered into mine. Nothing occurs that is beyond reason, sense, or intellect. However, when we join in the suffering of Christ we somehow become closer to him. We gain a better understanding of his will. He becomes a greater and stronger force in us. That is the mystery, the mystical aspect of it.
I think this explains a couple things. Lent has not been easy for me. First of all, I chose to give up something which makes me feel better just by sucking up electricity, my TV. On a day when all I want is a little distraction, the TV is a beautiful thing. It's constant company. Secondly, as with any journey into the wilderness, there will be all sorts of distractions. These may include but are not limited to, personal drama, missing your family intensely, feeling useless, drama at work, and/or health issues.
I've found myself in a very inactive mood. Nearly passive really. I'm just not interested. My students bounce off the wall? I sit behind my desk and think about sleeping until they realize I'm waiting for them. Should I plan a lesson? What's the point, there's no way for me to gauge if they'll participate today. Should I eat today? Nah, it's too much work, I'll just have a biscuit and eat tomorrow. Should I wash clothes today? Nah, I'll just air these socks out. I have a couple more pairs of underwear clean. I know this is unhealthy. Maybe it's like I said yesterday. Maybe I've begun shutting off pieces of myself as a coping mechanism. I think part of it is this: I don't handle chaos very well, and when chaos seems to rule, I go limp. I don't fight the chaos, I don't move with it. I just lie still and wait for it to pass, hoping I don't get crushed by it. Maybe that's the deal.
not good for the man to be alone. NOT GOOD FOR THE MAN TO BE ALONE. NOT GOOD FOR THE MAN TO BE ALONE.
I was listening to Rob Bell's sermon at Mars Hill today, from Sunday. He said that one of the purposes of Lent is for us to experience togetherness. The supreme experience of togetherness is the mystical union with Christ. I don't know about y'all, I don't think "mystical" has a very positive connotation these days. I'd venture to guess that most people either think of some type of new age philosophy or the "heretics" of the middle age cloisters who sought union with Christ through extensive fasting eating only the oldest and darkest of the left over bread, which caused "visions" of holiness, which we may now attribute to the same type of hallucinations as our Salem witches.
Mystical: 1 a : having a spiritual meaning or reality that is neither apparent to the senses nor obvious to the intelligence *the mystical food of the sacrament* b : involving or having the nature of an individual's direct subjective communion with God or ultimate reality *the mystical experience of the Inner Light*2 : MYSTERIOUS, UNINTELLIGIBLE
Let me elaborate. Bell argued that by joining in the temptation of Christ we are joining in union with him. By suffering with him, we are uniting with him. By "killing" parts of us, we are uniting with him. In suffering, temptation, and crucifixion, we join with Christ. What makes it mystical? If you follow me, do what I do, and don't do what I don't do, you become like me, but it does not make us any better friends. I have not entered into your soul and you have not entered into mine. Nothing occurs that is beyond reason, sense, or intellect. However, when we join in the suffering of Christ we somehow become closer to him. We gain a better understanding of his will. He becomes a greater and stronger force in us. That is the mystery, the mystical aspect of it.
I think this explains a couple things. Lent has not been easy for me. First of all, I chose to give up something which makes me feel better just by sucking up electricity, my TV. On a day when all I want is a little distraction, the TV is a beautiful thing. It's constant company. Secondly, as with any journey into the wilderness, there will be all sorts of distractions. These may include but are not limited to, personal drama, missing your family intensely, feeling useless, drama at work, and/or health issues.
I've found myself in a very inactive mood. Nearly passive really. I'm just not interested. My students bounce off the wall? I sit behind my desk and think about sleeping until they realize I'm waiting for them. Should I plan a lesson? What's the point, there's no way for me to gauge if they'll participate today. Should I eat today? Nah, it's too much work, I'll just have a biscuit and eat tomorrow. Should I wash clothes today? Nah, I'll just air these socks out. I have a couple more pairs of underwear clean. I know this is unhealthy. Maybe it's like I said yesterday. Maybe I've begun shutting off pieces of myself as a coping mechanism. I think part of it is this: I don't handle chaos very well, and when chaos seems to rule, I go limp. I don't fight the chaos, I don't move with it. I just lie still and wait for it to pass, hoping I don't get crushed by it. Maybe that's the deal.
Monday, March 13, 2006
ARE YOU LISTENING?!?!
"Therefore be brave, and therefore, dear, be free;/Try all things resolutely, till the best,Out of all lesser betters, you shall find;"
From Robert Louis Stevenson's "Fear Not, Dear Friend, But Freely Live Your Days"
If someone called you and spewed all of what was said on the blog, would you turn them away or hang up on them because they were having a moment of rage or irritation they needed a third party to help them work through? Do we judge simply on the basis of one sentence in one grand scheme of a story without asking for more details or even knowing that person or what he/she is going through professionally, personally, physically?
Posted by Centrifugal Bumble-Puppy, March 13, 2006. 10:18am
I'd like to comment on CBP's remarks for a minute. There is a profundity to these words, and one even greater in what has been left unsaid. Do we look deep into the words we hear to listen to the speaker's heart? For me, I am severely out of practice because, well, when I do get to listen to English, I am usually greedy to be heard. But there was a time when I was a good listener.
On one level we can take from CBP's comments the advice to listen deeply to what we hear people saying. This is especially true as PCVs. We have a tendency to become a bit isolated. If you isolate yourself, fine. See you at COS. Have a nice service. But for those of us that do have a hard time, for those of us to whom integration is not easy, for those of us who daily struggle to stay positive, we need good listeners.
Now, the other level. Should PC be one of those listeners? Well frankly, I don't see why not. But here's the frustrating part: what if I have gone to them with my concerns and they don't offer ample support? To whom do I turn then? Every PCV finds his or her support. Some people drink too much alcohol, some people travel every weekend, some find random drugs to take, others write, the majority combine all of these methods and close off the sensors that say, "you should be healthier inside and be a better teacher/youth development worker/ community development worker." Most of us start down the path of disenchantment. We come here as bright and fluffy young adults ready to conquer the world and we get a swift kick in the pants toward submission, bureaucracy, and unchangeable things.
Whatev's i mean, que sera sera.
Okay, neither of us believe that. What's the answer? Be a better listener. Be a better talker. Find a healthy outlet. Some people don't go to their PC staff with their problems. Some people go to their program staff without making any attempts to fix the situation on their own. It's all about middle ground I reckon.
Here's my nugget of wisdom: There is a difference between hearing and listening. Try to genuinely listen to the words, actions, emotions, and expressions of those around you. They may be crying out for your shoulder, ear, hand [insert synecdocheic image here].
From Robert Louis Stevenson's "Fear Not, Dear Friend, But Freely Live Your Days"
If someone called you and spewed all of what was said on the blog, would you turn them away or hang up on them because they were having a moment of rage or irritation they needed a third party to help them work through? Do we judge simply on the basis of one sentence in one grand scheme of a story without asking for more details or even knowing that person or what he/she is going through professionally, personally, physically?
Posted by Centrifugal Bumble-Puppy, March 13, 2006. 10:18am
I'd like to comment on CBP's remarks for a minute. There is a profundity to these words, and one even greater in what has been left unsaid. Do we look deep into the words we hear to listen to the speaker's heart? For me, I am severely out of practice because, well, when I do get to listen to English, I am usually greedy to be heard. But there was a time when I was a good listener.
On one level we can take from CBP's comments the advice to listen deeply to what we hear people saying. This is especially true as PCVs. We have a tendency to become a bit isolated. If you isolate yourself, fine. See you at COS. Have a nice service. But for those of us that do have a hard time, for those of us to whom integration is not easy, for those of us who daily struggle to stay positive, we need good listeners.
Now, the other level. Should PC be one of those listeners? Well frankly, I don't see why not. But here's the frustrating part: what if I have gone to them with my concerns and they don't offer ample support? To whom do I turn then? Every PCV finds his or her support. Some people drink too much alcohol, some people travel every weekend, some find random drugs to take, others write, the majority combine all of these methods and close off the sensors that say, "you should be healthier inside and be a better teacher/youth development worker/ community development worker." Most of us start down the path of disenchantment. We come here as bright and fluffy young adults ready to conquer the world and we get a swift kick in the pants toward submission, bureaucracy, and unchangeable things.
Whatev's i mean, que sera sera.
Okay, neither of us believe that. What's the answer? Be a better listener. Be a better talker. Find a healthy outlet. Some people don't go to their PC staff with their problems. Some people go to their program staff without making any attempts to fix the situation on their own. It's all about middle ground I reckon.
Here's my nugget of wisdom: There is a difference between hearing and listening. Try to genuinely listen to the words, actions, emotions, and expressions of those around you. They may be crying out for your shoulder, ear, hand [insert synecdocheic image here].
Sunday, March 12, 2006
not really bikini pics
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It has been brought to my attention that if I put some bikini pics up, some people wouldn't "breeze" over my blog. Well. I don't own a bikini, but in your honor, here's the closest I have. Good luck to you B. I'm sure you will do well!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Oh yes, big brother is out there...
I try to write with relative objectivity and decency for several reasons. My URL is on the bottom of my emails. That means folks like my CP, my BG language tutor, and everyone at the PC office has quick access to my blogche. Another reason is simply that it wouldn't be hard for one of my more advanced students to google me and happen upon my blog. I'm not here to make waves. Not that I'm necessarily opposed to that. But I'm going to say something that may be waveworthy. A PCV I know was recently reprimanded for some things on his/her blog, particularly a series of comments regarding a PC staffer. Now, in all fairness, PC was probably totally within their rights and I understand their action (although it's a tough pill to swallow). What kills me about this situation isn't that my fellow PCV was reprimanded for making these comments about the staffer, but that there is some other crazy talk on other people's blogs that is probably chalked up to exaggeration and frustration. Of course TEFLs are exaggerating when they talk of strangling kids or throwing them out windows, to name the most popular methods of theoretical torture. But, what if your darling student's English speaking parent happened upon that post? Okay, so they probably don't speak English... suspend your disbelief please. Disaster right there friends.
Anyway, for my fellow PCV bloggers reading this, tread lightly wherever ye may go! It's not news that our first lady, Mrs. CD checks on our blogches, but I'm pretty sure that the recent accosting of my friend has resulted in further exploration. Maybe it's just my blog, since I frequently posted comments on the forementioned PC-censored blog.
You all know I have and use StatCounter on my blog. I love love it when I can id an ISP somehow. Either because you've left a comment, or the title of your ISP, or sometimes the ISP has a town named with it. But there are a lot of ISPs I cannot id. I think I finally nailed down PC. On my StatCounter, it shows me where you came from, so if you got to my site from say, Jeremy's site, I'll know it. I do have a lot of hits from your site, btw Jeremy. Now, why would someone, not Jeremy use that site regularly as a jumping off point, unless you're him or family? It's your favorite site. OR, it's got a pretty comprehensive list of BG PCV bloggers. hmmm okay. Here's another interesting factoid I'll share with you, dear reader... There are two hits from a referring link in someone's C: drive. hm... Who's C drive is the question. Well, there's a hint comprised of a first initial and last name. Not just any last name, but a PC staffer. No darling, I won't reveal it. Nope, not even to you! EH! STOP ASKING! Now, to further support my belief that this particular ISP is PC: They have linked to my site from the censored blog and from the comprehensive list, as well as one other person's site, AND the "C:/Documentsandsettings/ [insertmysterynamehere]/ Localsettings/ Temporaryinternetfiles/ AmericaninBulgaria.htm"
You can make up your own mind.
Wait, so what was the point of this post? 1) To PCV bloggers: keep your noses clean. 2) See what a good sleuth I am? 3) I'm trying to decide if I should resent the fact that I'm getting checked up on. The bit of me with authority issues well resent it, yes. But I work for a big ole bureaucracy and I knew that all along.
In conclusion: get a statcounter and become a blogspy like me!
PS: a couple other blogspynotes:
hasarder, it's good to see you checking up on me again!!
i think it's funny in that not funny way that a person would use the reading of my blog as a replacement for direct contact. Are looking for reaction?. I mean, once a day for four days as compared to a couple times in a month? My subconscious tells me there is a corelation...
Anyway, for my fellow PCV bloggers reading this, tread lightly wherever ye may go! It's not news that our first lady, Mrs. CD checks on our blogches, but I'm pretty sure that the recent accosting of my friend has resulted in further exploration. Maybe it's just my blog, since I frequently posted comments on the forementioned PC-censored blog.
You all know I have and use StatCounter on my blog. I love love it when I can id an ISP somehow. Either because you've left a comment, or the title of your ISP, or sometimes the ISP has a town named with it. But there are a lot of ISPs I cannot id. I think I finally nailed down PC. On my StatCounter, it shows me where you came from, so if you got to my site from say, Jeremy's site, I'll know it. I do have a lot of hits from your site, btw Jeremy. Now, why would someone, not Jeremy use that site regularly as a jumping off point, unless you're him or family? It's your favorite site. OR, it's got a pretty comprehensive list of BG PCV bloggers. hmmm okay. Here's another interesting factoid I'll share with you, dear reader... There are two hits from a referring link in someone's C: drive. hm... Who's C drive is the question. Well, there's a hint comprised of a first initial and last name. Not just any last name, but a PC staffer. No darling, I won't reveal it. Nope, not even to you! EH! STOP ASKING! Now, to further support my belief that this particular ISP is PC: They have linked to my site from the censored blog and from the comprehensive list, as well as one other person's site, AND the "C:/Documentsandsettings/ [insertmysterynamehere]/ Localsettings/ Temporaryinternetfiles/ AmericaninBulgaria.htm"
You can make up your own mind.
Wait, so what was the point of this post? 1) To PCV bloggers: keep your noses clean. 2) See what a good sleuth I am? 3) I'm trying to decide if I should resent the fact that I'm getting checked up on. The bit of me with authority issues well resent it, yes. But I work for a big ole bureaucracy and I knew that all along.
In conclusion: get a statcounter and become a blogspy like me!
PS: a couple other blogspynotes:
hasarder, it's good to see you checking up on me again!!
i think it's funny in that not funny way that a person would use the reading of my blog as a replacement for direct contact. Are looking for reaction?. I mean, once a day for four days as compared to a couple times in a month? My subconscious tells me there is a corelation...
I CAN'T SEE, HELP ME!! I'M BLIND!!
I got a packaged today from my mommy! It’s just a little package, but it has two of the best things I can think of, Jennifer Knapp’s new CD and some sour candy. There was also an adorable picture of my doggie. As I lay here and listen to this fabulous collection of JK’s live recordings, I feel more than a little bit nostalgic. Jennifer’s not really in the music scene these days so I haven’t been to one of her shows if a few years, and there’s no sense in thinking that if I were home the listening would be better in some way. There are just some things I listen to that remind me of certain things: driving in the summer with the windows down (David Crowder Band), road trips to Indy or Louisville (Dixie Chicks), moments celebrating my familial dysfunction (John Mayer), and of course, when ever I needed to motivate myself to clean or get ready and going in the mornings it was Jennifer Knapp. That motivation factor isn’t transatlantic, in case anyone is wondering. I am struck with the profundity of her lyrics today. On one hand I agree so completely, in my heart and in my mind. However, a bit of my soul won’t let me completely agree because there is a dichotomy between what I feel and what I do.
I had the weirdest experience today. Have you ever looked at the sun and had a spot in your vision for a moment or two after that? For the first few seconds it may be completely black there, then as your rods and pins or whatever they’re called come back into balance your vision is restored through stages of fuzziness. Well, I was walking in the center to do a bit of shopping and I notice that I have one of those fuzzy spots as if I had looked at the sun, in the bottom left quarter of my vision. I hadn’t looked at the sun though, or anything bright. I went into the Euro shop to pick up more tissue because yes, I’ve gone through five packs in the last four days. I had to look at things sideways in order to read them. I went to the next store. Same story. But by this time it was totally creeping me out. As I left that store and walked toward the grocer’s my vision went back to normal. Those thirty minutes were more than long enough. I am a bit of a drama queen, so I was thinking, “maybe my vision is escaping me! maybe I’ve busted a nerve coughing. can anyone else see what’s wrong with my eye? maybe it’s inflamed or droopy or something.” Whatevs. My eye got better. I’m sure it has something to do either with my sinus problem or with the Sudafed I’m taking. Speaking of Sudafed, I’ve been getting mild bloody noses on account of that mess. Grrr. I hate it, but I am taking it because wellllll, I HATE BEING SICK!
Go find a way to hear Jennifer Knapp’s new album, “Live”
I had the weirdest experience today. Have you ever looked at the sun and had a spot in your vision for a moment or two after that? For the first few seconds it may be completely black there, then as your rods and pins or whatever they’re called come back into balance your vision is restored through stages of fuzziness. Well, I was walking in the center to do a bit of shopping and I notice that I have one of those fuzzy spots as if I had looked at the sun, in the bottom left quarter of my vision. I hadn’t looked at the sun though, or anything bright. I went into the Euro shop to pick up more tissue because yes, I’ve gone through five packs in the last four days. I had to look at things sideways in order to read them. I went to the next store. Same story. But by this time it was totally creeping me out. As I left that store and walked toward the grocer’s my vision went back to normal. Those thirty minutes were more than long enough. I am a bit of a drama queen, so I was thinking, “maybe my vision is escaping me! maybe I’ve busted a nerve coughing. can anyone else see what’s wrong with my eye? maybe it’s inflamed or droopy or something.” Whatevs. My eye got better. I’m sure it has something to do either with my sinus problem or with the Sudafed I’m taking. Speaking of Sudafed, I’ve been getting mild bloody noses on account of that mess. Grrr. I hate it, but I am taking it because wellllll, I HATE BEING SICK!
Go find a way to hear Jennifer Knapp’s new album, “Live”
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
back in the saddle
So, tomorrow I have full intentions of jumping back on the horse we call teaching. I only have two classes in the morning, then two SIPs after lunch. These classes are the rare moments I don't have to worry about discipline, so I'm sure I'll be fine. Then, in the evening, a bit of something new: my sitemate's CP has asked me to take one of her private adult classes. Not the best week for it, but it's cool, I'll manage.
Highlight of the week: Today is Women's Day. I guess this is international, but I'd never heard of it before. It's typical here for women to receive flowers and candies. Since I was sick today, I'd resigned myself to being flowerless ("I try not to get attached to things that won't last." is that how it goes Lucia? "you gonna get shanked!"). Well, low and behold, I'm awakened from my nap around 11am by a knock on the door. In my hallway, down the stairs, and peeking around the corner, I find my ocmi a-ers. God love 'em. These kids make me want to ripe out my eyeballs some days, but they can be the most thoughtful bunch of bulgobrats I've ever come across. They brought me a card with a lovely note, and a huge box of chocolate covered cherries. Now, I've never been a big fan of these little morsels, but here you always get a little bit of liqueur, so they're not too bad. Anyway, that made me feel better. And that I've not had a fever since last night. I don't feel miserable, just sick. This is what, the forth time I've been sick? May, September, November, I think once already this year, but I'm not sure, and now, March. gaaaahhh! The world is out to get me!
Highlight of the week: Today is Women's Day. I guess this is international, but I'd never heard of it before. It's typical here for women to receive flowers and candies. Since I was sick today, I'd resigned myself to being flowerless ("I try not to get attached to things that won't last." is that how it goes Lucia? "you gonna get shanked!"). Well, low and behold, I'm awakened from my nap around 11am by a knock on the door. In my hallway, down the stairs, and peeking around the corner, I find my ocmi a-ers. God love 'em. These kids make me want to ripe out my eyeballs some days, but they can be the most thoughtful bunch of bulgobrats I've ever come across. They brought me a card with a lovely note, and a huge box of chocolate covered cherries. Now, I've never been a big fan of these little morsels, but here you always get a little bit of liqueur, so they're not too bad. Anyway, that made me feel better. And that I've not had a fever since last night. I don't feel miserable, just sick. This is what, the forth time I've been sick? May, September, November, I think once already this year, but I'm not sure, and now, March. gaaaahhh! The world is out to get me!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
BOOO WAAAA SOBSOBSOB PAIN FEEL SORRY FOR ME...
Oh, I'm sorry about that title, I'm just subconsciously trying to feel better about myself by having you, dear reader feel sorry for me. So, let me list the reasons why: I ran a fever all night last night of 101. This afternoon it got up to 102.6. Sweet. I've got the whole coughy-runny nose-sinus pressure thing again. But with a fever? Uck, I can't remember the last time I had a fever. It's not fun. I'm not good at being sick. When I was at the peak of today's misery (at the 102.6 time), I took a couple ibuprofen, sudafed, and went down to see my baba. I don't go down there a lot because I hate to impose on people. But I wanted some good tea, something better than this bouquet crap that I have. So dyado pesho made me fresh tea from some kinda stuff they picked, put some other stuff in it (lysomething), and then something else. It was very tasty.
So, like I mentioned, I'm taking sudafed. So far, I'm doing alright with that. I really hate taking sinus meds. Being at home, it's not a problem, since there's nothing else I really should be doing or concentrating on. But if I take sudafed and try to focus on anything, I'm a wreck.
Other news? Tomorrow is the women's day. If I were to go to school, I would receive flowers from my kids. But I'm pretty sure I'm not going. I went today for 3 periods. I was reprimanded by several teachers for being there. When I went in her office to ask if I could go home, my director scolded me for coming today and told me to stay home tomorrow. I told her I'll see how I feel. She gave me the "ti iskash shamare" hand gesture (why is it that when I get sick people think threatening me or telling me not to cough will make me better??) and told me I wasn't coming tomorrow. So, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to school tomorrow.
Alright, I'm going to try to go to sleep. I kind of want to turn on the TV, but I gave that up for Lent, and even though I'm sick and have nothing to do and don't have the energy to read or the strength to hold up a book, I'll stick to my commitments.
So, like I mentioned, I'm taking sudafed. So far, I'm doing alright with that. I really hate taking sinus meds. Being at home, it's not a problem, since there's nothing else I really should be doing or concentrating on. But if I take sudafed and try to focus on anything, I'm a wreck.
Other news? Tomorrow is the women's day. If I were to go to school, I would receive flowers from my kids. But I'm pretty sure I'm not going. I went today for 3 periods. I was reprimanded by several teachers for being there. When I went in her office to ask if I could go home, my director scolded me for coming today and told me to stay home tomorrow. I told her I'll see how I feel. She gave me the "ti iskash shamare" hand gesture (why is it that when I get sick people think threatening me or telling me not to cough will make me better??) and told me I wasn't coming tomorrow. So, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to school tomorrow.
Alright, I'm going to try to go to sleep. I kind of want to turn on the TV, but I gave that up for Lent, and even though I'm sick and have nothing to do and don't have the energy to read or the strength to hold up a book, I'll stick to my commitments.
Monday, March 06, 2006
"I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired"
I think I've been pretty sensitive lately. I don't mean kind and sweet sensitive, I mean perceptive sensitive. I've been stunned by things lately. The beauty around me has been amazing. You would think the world has changed. Perhaps it has a little. The earth is shifting little by little each day. The sun, as it hits the mountains is never the same twice. There's been a bit of clear sunshine everyday since Friday, and I've taken advantage of it.
Maybe with this hint of spring weather, God is reminding me of his natural order. There is a natural order to relationships, to discipleship, to weather, to health. I frequently either disobey or resent that order. I'm opinionated. I like to speak my mind perhaps to a fault. I want to help people, sometimes being honest with them before having built a necessary level of trust. I hate winter and would rather skip it entirely. I am sick AGAIN!! I will admit that I don't take very good care of myself. There is a natural order to one's health. One must consume certain vitamins and minerals inorder for sufficient immune functioning. I am not good at that.
Have you ever been in any type of relationship with someone with whom communication seemed intolerably unmanageable? Maybe the two of you had a great relationship and something happened and you don't communicate well anymore? Maybe the two of you were put together for work or some other reason and you must communicate but are just dreadful at it? Maybe you two are family? There are lots of reasons why people who can't just up and leave eachother have communication problems. Dare I say the vast majority can be attributed to trust issues? I recently blogged about that and I'm still behind myself on that opinion. I can't stress enough that we learn to trust one another, that we seek to earn eachother's trust.
And finally. I feel like poopoo. I am sick once again. I don't feel as awful as the last time I was sick. Here's hoping we don't get that far. But on the bright side: my dad figured out a way to get video clips of my puppies to me (stupid cameras with exclusive codecs make this difficult). And: I went to the bazaar today and found popcorn kernels, and I finally bought another towel! Yeah for me! (but you still have to bring a towel when visiting!)
peace love and martenichki!
Maybe with this hint of spring weather, God is reminding me of his natural order. There is a natural order to relationships, to discipleship, to weather, to health. I frequently either disobey or resent that order. I'm opinionated. I like to speak my mind perhaps to a fault. I want to help people, sometimes being honest with them before having built a necessary level of trust. I hate winter and would rather skip it entirely. I am sick AGAIN!! I will admit that I don't take very good care of myself. There is a natural order to one's health. One must consume certain vitamins and minerals inorder for sufficient immune functioning. I am not good at that.
Have you ever been in any type of relationship with someone with whom communication seemed intolerably unmanageable? Maybe the two of you had a great relationship and something happened and you don't communicate well anymore? Maybe the two of you were put together for work or some other reason and you must communicate but are just dreadful at it? Maybe you two are family? There are lots of reasons why people who can't just up and leave eachother have communication problems. Dare I say the vast majority can be attributed to trust issues? I recently blogged about that and I'm still behind myself on that opinion. I can't stress enough that we learn to trust one another, that we seek to earn eachother's trust.
And finally. I feel like poopoo. I am sick once again. I don't feel as awful as the last time I was sick. Here's hoping we don't get that far. But on the bright side: my dad figured out a way to get video clips of my puppies to me (stupid cameras with exclusive codecs make this difficult). And: I went to the bazaar today and found popcorn kernels, and I finally bought another towel! Yeah for me! (but you still have to bring a towel when visiting!)
peace love and martenichki!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Честита Баба Марта - Happy Gramma March (huh?)
Some things just don't translate. Here in Bulgarland, the first of March is a very special day. Every one of my 8th graders gave me a bracelet or pin of red and white yarn. There's a story to go with it that has something to do with a bird that had to fly somewhere and it was shot with an arrow and the blood and the white of it's feathers mixed. I'm not too clear. It made me feel special. Then they began to be demons again. They were strongly scolded yesterday by my counterpart. Today the same stuff came up. I just sat behind my desk and stared into nowhere. They got quiet after a minute. I nearly cried. All I could think to say was, "I don't know why I'm here, you don't listen to me." I didn't shout, I wasn't angry. I was so hurt. I love these kids and they are so rude. I know it's not intentional, that's why it hurt me rather than angered me. One of my kids promised he'd be better. He said it in this quiet and meek tone. This was one of my problem kids. I hope he means it.
Today is Ash Wednesday. I've been fasting all day. I've had water, two cups of coffee, a bottle of juice, and two courtesy bites of bread. I couldn't not eat it. There were these girls in cute traditional dresses passing out bread and wishing a happy баба марта, first in the teachers' room, then in my 11a class. I couldn't be rude. There's a certain excitement in fasting. A sense of anticipation. I'm aware there's a lesson to be learned, and this time the difficulty of it is willed and self-imposed.
There's an irony in the coinciding of Ash Wednesday and Баба Марта. When I was young, at vacation Bible school, we'd nearly always have to make "wordless books." Sometimes it was a felt book about two inches tall. Sometimes it was a bracelet with beads. Each color had a meaning. Initially it was to help us become aware of the gospel. Black because we all have sin in our lives. Red because Jesus died and shed his blood on the cross. White because he cleansed us of our sins and now we're white as snow. Green because now we grow in him. Gold for the streets of heaven we'll one day walk on. And sometimes there's purple for his royalty, where was that? When I got older I helped other kids make them as I led VBSs and backyard Bible clubs.
Today the Bulgarians celebrate the advent of spring. Today I join Christ in the wilderness, with these red and white cords around my wrists and on my heart, I'm not really thinking about when I'll see the first stork, rather the metaphor of blood and holiness, of sacrifice. Fire and Ice. Passion and Purity. Blood is not bad. Passion is not sin. We give these things up not because they are intrinsically sinful or hinder our walks with Christ. Jesus did not fast in the desert to purify himself of sin. He did not allow his blood to be spilled so that he would be emptied of the sinful substance. Sometimes we must give up good things so that they can be made better by God, so that we can be made better by God. That is sacrifice. The reward is holiness.
Today is Ash Wednesday. I've been fasting all day. I've had water, two cups of coffee, a bottle of juice, and two courtesy bites of bread. I couldn't not eat it. There were these girls in cute traditional dresses passing out bread and wishing a happy баба марта, first in the teachers' room, then in my 11a class. I couldn't be rude. There's a certain excitement in fasting. A sense of anticipation. I'm aware there's a lesson to be learned, and this time the difficulty of it is willed and self-imposed.
There's an irony in the coinciding of Ash Wednesday and Баба Марта. When I was young, at vacation Bible school, we'd nearly always have to make "wordless books." Sometimes it was a felt book about two inches tall. Sometimes it was a bracelet with beads. Each color had a meaning. Initially it was to help us become aware of the gospel. Black because we all have sin in our lives. Red because Jesus died and shed his blood on the cross. White because he cleansed us of our sins and now we're white as snow. Green because now we grow in him. Gold for the streets of heaven we'll one day walk on. And sometimes there's purple for his royalty, where was that? When I got older I helped other kids make them as I led VBSs and backyard Bible clubs.
Today the Bulgarians celebrate the advent of spring. Today I join Christ in the wilderness, with these red and white cords around my wrists and on my heart, I'm not really thinking about when I'll see the first stork, rather the metaphor of blood and holiness, of sacrifice. Fire and Ice. Passion and Purity. Blood is not bad. Passion is not sin. We give these things up not because they are intrinsically sinful or hinder our walks with Christ. Jesus did not fast in the desert to purify himself of sin. He did not allow his blood to be spilled so that he would be emptied of the sinful substance. Sometimes we must give up good things so that they can be made better by God, so that we can be made better by God. That is sacrifice. The reward is holiness.
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