here i am..

i walked out on a class today. i think i've done this three times now. with all that has happened, i could not bring myself to fight with my students to participate. i simply didn't have it in me. as i stood there, these words ran through my head: "my brother is in a foreign land, possibly not aware that his good friend is dead. these *$@! don't even want me here, yet here i am when i should be with my family and friends. with my brother." so i gathered my things, said, "teach yourselves english," and walked out. i went to the teachers' bathroom and sobbed on the floor. it just doesn't seem right.

My mom and sister went to the visitation yesterday. When they greeted the wife of the deceased, she asked how our Erik is doing. I imagine she was mildly surprised not to see him there. My mom looked at her and said, "Erik doesn't know." According to mom, Amanda nearly fell to her knees in shock and anguish. She wept for my brother. Then she prayed that he would be comforted with God's peace.

The human spirit amazes me. This woman has lost her young husband and she mourns for a young boy's loss. She mourns not only for herself, but for each person who mourns with her. This is how we are a part of the whole. This is how we are not an island. This is the oneness of humanity.