Not Alone

Perhaps some folks are, but I am quite decidedly not meant to live my life alone. There was a while when I thought I would be quite alright if I am never meant to marry. After this little bit of time living alone, it is not a state in which I've been created to find contentment. I gain so much enjoyment and completion by being around people, sharing myself with them, nurturing and caring for them. When I am left alone after the bustle of activity I realize little else than that I've been left alone. I spent some time with a friend this weekend talking about, exploring the most important matters in our world. We spent a considerable amount of time talking about God, religion, the state of the Church, the path to faith. I feel so thankful to my God for these talks. I'm grateful for the chance to talk with my friend. I'm so grateful for the motivation to be distracted from myself, in a way that makes me think of the person with whom I am talking and really process my own thoughts. I need other people in a way I did not realize, or did not want to recognize. I for so long have thought of life as if I am going through it in this Christian meets existentialist paradigm. It is just me, and God, against the world. Other people come in and out of my life - some may help, some may hurt, some both. But at the end of the day we are all fighting for ourselves, except I am fighting with God. So it does not - or at least it should not - hurt so badly when someone else's battle wounds me. I am at the point today where I know these things: 1) God is fighting with me; 2) We are not fighting against the rest of the world; 3) It is not a weakness to long for company; 4) It is okay to not understand, to not believe, and to not be fully comforted in all these things I think, or have been taught I ought to understand, believe, and be comforted in.