It’s a funny thing... well, I use funny because I don't know the right word. I got all this music from my Church right. I don't have any resolution to my worries. But I don't mind not thinking about them. The funny thing is in looking away. Looking away: a pure type of avoidance; taking a few extra minutes each day, to not think about me, but to be with God. Not petitioning, not even conversing. Just loving.
Then I think about the people who I know are loving him right now too. I think about my pastor's family who is worshiping unquestioningly a God who at this very moment may be slowly removing their mother/wife from this physical world. I think about one of our associate pastors and his wife, who have worshipped endlessly as God took his wife from life to death and life again, and through the process of relearning how to live after a debilitating experience. I think about the group of girls that sit in the middle right section during the second service. They occupy the first 8 rows at least. They don't sit, they don't occupy, they do something amazing. These girls come and they worship in the most pure, unashamed, uninhibited way because they've already seen themselves as impure, ashamed, or inhibited. These are the Mercy girls. They are involved in our mission organizations for girls and young women dealing with pregnancy, adoption, abortion, eating disorders, whatever... These girls have reached spiritual death and will praise God in an incredibly pure way for anyone to see. Then I, sitting here in my room, hear my song. So simple, "I Am a Friend of God."
Who am I that you are mindful of me
That you hear me when I call
Is true that you are thinking of me
How you love me
It's amazing!
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God, He calls me friend.
God almighty Lord of Glory
You have called me friend
(“I Am a Friend of God” by Israel Houghton)
This song is my anthem. This is my tough time default song. This is what I hum when I'm desperately sad. At some points during the summer, singing this was my only source of Joy. It is truly amazing how turning your face to God, no matter how filthy, sad, or dark your soul feels, turning your face to God will make not only your face shine, but your whole spirit. I can understand how, after spending time in the presence of God, Moses came down from the mountain with a face glowing. When you have been in the presence of God, what else matters? Not my silly worries!
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Thank you for this song of inspiration, Maegen! i have to admit to you that this PC thing has been hard for me too, even being in Krichim, even with all the lovely, beautiful people and the amazing scenery. there were moments of beauty and joy, but there were also moments of despair, for some reason or another. sometimes i didn't even know the reason. anyway, a song that would help me at those times was actually a techno song that you may have heard...
" I turn to you,
like a flower turning toward the sun. I turn to you, 'cuz you're the only one.
You spin me around, when I'm upside down. I turn to yooouuuuuu."
I would sing it to God, over and over, and often times it would take me out of whatever my personal struggle was and remind me of that space which is infinitely compassionate, yet contains not even a grain of personal struggle because it's so far beyong the personal... the space of God, which is beyond fathoming and yet, it's in us, somewhere, or we're in it, somewhere, and therefore we have access to it at all times, even when we forget about it as i so often do sometimes. That space, in every one of us, has the power to heal and transform everything. Perhaps it's one of our tasks as human beings to learn to live in and act from that space at all times. Perhaps?
I appreciate your faith and the reminders in your blog to return to faith.
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